lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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