You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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