Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I skipped work to stalk him.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
