K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
