sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
