I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
