if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
