I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
