If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
