why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
