Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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