I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
