Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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