I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
