He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
