I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
