i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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