my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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