Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
