holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
