I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
