Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sober January is a disaster.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I didn't notice because vodka
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
