I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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