just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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