Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
