Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
