he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
