When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
