Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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