I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
