I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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