I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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