i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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