So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
