apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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