who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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