What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
