Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
FUCK WHALES
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
