i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
