Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
