well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
