I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
