He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
we're so committed to being not committed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
