Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
