im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
