I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
