We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
