he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
