So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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