There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
