It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
