WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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