alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
