I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she woke up with a sticky ear
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
