Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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