Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Apparently you make a good broom.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
