She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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