She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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