I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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