mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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